I'm a 18 year old this year and for the past 3 years I've been leading the lesbian life and I'm really happy with my life,cause I'm proud to be myself. However,my relationship always give me trouble... I met my gf,J two years ago,we went dating after knowing each other for 5 months.Everything was going smoothly at first,until one day,we found out that her mum hired private investigators to check on us.And our relationship was exposed to both side's parents.I was blamed for turning J into a lesbian and we were forced to break up and we cannot contact each other at all. However,we still keep in contact secretly.Then there was this day which she went dating with a guy behind my back,I was angry and I decided to break with her,but after sometimes,we got back together again. From then until now,she went dating with 3 guys.But now,we got back together again.The problem is now,she is planning to go overseas next year for 4 years,and she wanted to become a celebrity(this really pressurize me) and on the other hand,our relationship cannot be exposed.We've already been exposed for two times by her mum,we can't afford to be caught again,because I will cause J to have all her oversea's activities cancelled and she will once again lose her freedom. But both of us love each other,can anyone tell me what will you do if you are in my shoes?
Once again,I'm here to share my feelings to everyone out there.Maybe no one will be interested,but I've no one to turn to(not even my own girlfriend). If anyone remember,I have this girlfriend,J.It's been two months since I blogged about what happened to our relationship.And now,I felt the difference in our relationship. After her mum caught us together for a few times,things became really different.We don't sms(because her father is so rich and smart that he got this copy of J's phone card,so whatever messages sent to J's phone will be received by her father), conversations between us really became so much lesser.We can't meet up oftenly,we can't do shopping together,watch movie together because we never know if any private investigators are following us. Love letters,couple rings given to her by me are kept in school because she can't bring it home. And furthermore,she's so busy with her stuffs such as dancing,acting,composing,star grooming course almost everyday,and knowing that we can't message throughout the day(to check out on her),I always waited for her call at night,when she's finally free and has the time to talk to me.However,sometimes she was too tired to talk to me. And recently,I realized she got this really close friend,Justin.They go out almost everytime when J is free.They go out for dinner,they meet up for movies.Although I feel kind of insecure about it,I can't show it out.I can't express my unhappiness to her,because she will think that I'm trying to pick a fight with her. That's what happened today in the afternoon when I found out that she's going to take up this dance course with Justin.I don't know how to react,but to feel jealous and envious. I envy how Justin can accompany J,I envy how they can go out with each other.I felt really useless. My friends told me,I shouldn't be so sensitive over this,but tell me,if you were to be in my shoes,how will you feel?Will you react like how I did?Will you be even worse than me? She told me,I don't trust her.I tried. She banned me from clubbing,I never stepped in to a club once after I promised her.( I was a clubber last time) She banned me from going out with her friends because she hated them.I stopped meeting them. And now she told me,I made no effort in the relationship.Is there something wrong with me?Or her?...
